addict

having anxiety and panic disorder makes me feel like an addict.  

its a monkey on my back that creates more harm than good

after a panic attack i get a tremendous high and sometimes when i feel anxiety i let a panic attack happen just to feel the relief of that high, even for a few minutes.  its like im floating

when i have a panic attack  after a long while i feel like ive fallen off the wagon, its a relapse.

we work on relapse prevention alot in group

group

like AA

talk

share our darkest times,

our darkest thoughts

and when it got the worst

it triggers the past

we fire

release our thoughts

it triggers something within

it hits that point you swore youd never touch

where you never wanted to visit

where you locked away and wouldnt admit it existed

it touched that place

and your body shook

it touched it and shook it and crushed it and broke it and 

it leaked out

and you cried

and i listened

and i cried

and we swore never to let it hurt again

we felt alone

we felt darkness

we felt lost in the dark

we didnt reach for a hand

we just felt lost together

that was enough

group

it was there, he was there, we were there