Pretty Scissors: Do you want my opinion?

so im sick in bed today :( waaa

sorry i havent written in a while, ive been a little stressed out the last week. alright alot stressed out.
so last week the doc found a lump in my breast which im hoping is just nothing, but ever since then ive been slightly terrified and mostly just going nuts. not crazy nuts, but just going out and partying alot more than usual. maybe its good for me, to let loose a little.

I went to vegas and learned an important lesson: what happens in vegas, ends up on facebook.
also other things i learned: guys still are mesmerized by boobs, and if you mix capt morgan and sprite it tastes like a cream soda! awesome.

so the facebook thing also got me thinking alot about my life and secrets. I have alot of secrets. not all bad ones or hurtful, but things i dont want the whole world to know. which all sounds normal right? yea, except that nowadays it seems like no one has any secrets. that everyone knows everyone and everything about them thanks to the internet and the speed of public networking. privacy is lost on a much deeper level. maybe we know too much, maybe too much is revealed. do i really need to know the constant facebook status of my teacher? do they need to see pictures of me with my friends? i know this is a broken record but it makes me feel devious sometimes that i want more and more secrets because of this. ive realized, there is no one that knows everything about me. and i love that. i think its brilliant. its the one thing i have that i can control in my life. well, not entirely becuase im sure people find out certain things. but this desire has also made me more tolerant of others secrets. i think in the past, when people had alot that they werent saying i bugged me but now its nice in someways. now dont get me wrong, i love to talk and i think sharing intimate details really creates strong bonds, i think im just not ready to reveal everything. maybe ive been tainted by past relationships, maybe its the internet i dunno..

When i was, i dunno 15 or 16?, i read a short story (this will be amzing to some of you because i hate reading- i get too many headaches when i read) and the story made this crazy lasting impression on me.
It was a book from the teen section with 16 stories for "young adults". It was about this other world in which sex and emotional attachment were switched in a way. Its hard to explain, but basically you see kids making out everywhere with everyone, but no one sharing their ideas or emotions about anything. and one day a girl speaks up in class and it shocks everyone and the teacher comes up to her and starts kissing her to quiet her. later, the main character, a teenage boy, lies away at night fantasizing about not her body, but her ideas. at the time i thought it was a crazy world but now it seems like my world. is this just what your twenties are like? is this what happens after puberty? is this the state of "kids these days"? i dont judge people for it but it makes me sad. It feels so much easier to be physical with someone that to really share something deep, to be completely honest, to just talk. half the time when i talk to people i feel like they arent really there. chatting now just feels like commercials. i hate commercials, its just wasted time waiting for the better thing to come. but all that empty chatter makes me feel empty...

anyway read the story. its called "Do you want my opinion?" by M.E. Kerr

Hook: "Last night I dreamed I told Lauren Lake what I thought about John Lennon's music, Picasso's art, and Soviet-American relations. It's getting worse. I've tried putting my head under the cold-water faucet." (p. 93)

Notes for Booktalk: Sixteen is a wonderful collection of short stories covering a variety of topics. My favorite story is "Do you want my opinion?" by M. E. Kerr. In this story, John is a high school student in an alternative universe where affection and sex are totally accepted, but sharing thoughts is taboo. One day, John wakes up after having dreams of exchanging thoughts with Lauren, a girl at his school. His father lectures him not to get serious with girls and to keep his thoughts to himself. When he gets to school, he can't help but remember what happened in Thought's class last week. Lauren brought up the idea of an alternative universe where sharing thoughts is totally acceptable, but touching was a special thing. The class had laughed at her answers and the teacher told her to keep her thoughts to herself. John longs to spend an evening exchanging ideas with Lauren, but knows he shouldn't ask a girl out when he is only interested in one thing! (Robin Sitarski)

(via Booktalking)

i love this story

also: awesome pics from a long time ago that i took during an art walk in pomona: